We've had absolutely no contact since January 25th.
I was going crazy wondering what you were doing, with who, where...
I cried constantly due to the constant feeling of chaos and lack of control.
I cried in bed, I cried in the car, I cried during yoga.
Finally, I begged:
"Please help me have a peaceful heart and a peaceful mind. Bring me focus. Help me to heal. Help me to be ok."
I finally started feeling better.
I was focusing and I felt myself balancing out physically and emotionally.
For once, I was actually looking forward to Valentine's Day (something I haven't done in years). I was happy to be unattached and be able to spend it with friends. Friends, who have been around through the rough times as well as the best times.
Today, I sit down and prepare to start the arduous task of writing these legal essays. Then ...
that dreaded pop up banner comes up on my laptop with a gold star next to your name. The name that had finally seized to haunt my thoughts.
"So I've been in the studio hiding to work on this and have if done by today :)) let me know whatya think :)
Happy vday hun xo"
All the strength that I had managed to build up is gone in an instant. I break down, heartbroken and weak.
Why do you do this?